men’s league hockey and politics
Author’s note: This is chapter 57 from The Platypus Party. I thought it would be fun to offer it up as an intro to what you can expect from the book, and also because it’s pretty topical. You may not agree with what’s in here—and that’s okay—but try to have some fun with it. I’d love to see your comments below. And thanks again to my good friend, John Ettinger, for letting me borrow the idea of “The Men’s Leaguer” for my book.
“The Men’s Leaguer”
August 25, 2010
Hey friends. It seems the more I get into this politics game, the more I find comparisons to hockey. Especially men’s league hockey. It’s really weird how our sport—the sport we all love and respect—would draw close comparisons to something people generally hate and don’t trust. But if you look at it through the newly enlightened and somewhat twisted mind of someone like me, the connection is there. Let me ‘splain. No. There is too much. Let me… sum up.
Like politics, it’s a rare thing to find men’s league hockey that actually works the way it’s supposed to work. Admittedly, running a country is much more complicated and has significantly more serious repercussions if you fu… foul it up, but at their core, both things boil down to a few simple objectives:
(1) Help each other so everyone succeeds
(2) Remove obstacles that get in the way of number one
(3) Celebrate the spirit of sportsmanship and success
Let’s take them one by one.
First, help each other so everyone succeeds.
Ever see a men’s league hockey game get a little lopsided? Of course you have. It happens from time to time. But in a well-functioning league, the team that’s ahead usually slows the pace. They might pass more, swap forwards and defense, not backcheck as hard, or do a variety of other small things to keep the game fun.
On our team, we do all those things. We also typically shift our focus to setting up the guy on our team who has the fewest goals. Now granted, we’re old guys in a young league, so we’re rarely in a position to take these actions. But the point is that we would willingly do any or all of these things. Why? Because a blowout isn’t fun for either team. Competitive games (little G) are good for the Game (big G).
In government (the other G), helping each other means doing things for people who can’t do things for themselves. The important distinction here is the word can’t. Government shouldn’t be in the business of helping people who won’t help themselves. Doing that just takes resources away from people who really need it, and it pisses off the people who would otherwise pitch in to help even in the absence of government.
Tracing it back to hockey—after all, that’s what this column is about—if our team gets a big lead and the other team stops trying, all bets are off. Neither our leagues nor our communities were built on the backs of quitters. You want help? Show us you’re willing to put in the effort and we’ll get you the rest of the way.
That’s one… Now, on to number two.
Remove obstacles that get in the way.
A couple seasons back, we were in a game against our biggest competition. It was rough, but not dirty. Spirited, but not angry. The referee—let’s call him the president—decided to exert what he thought was his authority. Toward the end of the first period, we scored a controversial goal (truth be told, I don’t think it went in). Their goalie did not react well. He may have said something offensive to the referee. Perhaps even offensive to the referee’s wife or mother.
Now I don’t condone that sort of thing outside the locker room. Inside, it’s all in fun. But outside, it’s public. Not cool.
Anyway, the referee also reacted poorly. He ejected the goalie from the game. Threw him right out. Bad decision. Why? Because it affected everyone else. Most, if not all, men’s league teams have only one goalie. We were having an otherwise great game, and because of one referee trying to over-govern, it could have been all over.
They would have had to forfeit without a goalie. But being the responsible hockey players we are, we rose to the occasion. Instead of letting the game end on the ref ’s overreaction, we sent the ref home and finished our game on our own.
So how does that relate to government? It’s pretty simple, really. Government’s job is to remove obstacles so we can be a land “of the people, by the people, and for the people.” Many of our nation’s lawmakers have forgotten that. They’ve forgotten the fact that they actually work for us. And sadly, so have we. It’s time for us to rise to the occasion and send the ref home. I’m not advocating a revolution, mind you. I’m just saying if we, the people, step up and start taking more responsibility, we enable the government to do its job—removing obstacles from our path. And if our referee tries to become the game, we send him home by electing someone else.
And finally, the third and most important objective…
Celebrate the spirit of sportsmanship and success.
We’re often so busy looking at what’s wrong with the world that we fail to see all the good we have accomplished. Under Democrat and Republican presidents, we have maintained our status as the best country in the world. People from all over still want to live here—the land of opportunity. We achieved that status because everyone worked together. And when they were done working, they played together.
Lately, our country has become a mockery of itself. People blame each other for their lot in life. Democrats blame “rich Republicans” for not sharing the wealth at the same time they are being arrested for tax evasion. Republicans think they are the moral compass of the entire world while their marriages crumble from abuse, addiction, and infidelity. Incoming presidents blame the past administration if things aren’t going well, but claim all the glory if when they succeed.
Honestly, many of the American people are just as bad. Celebrities get on their pulpits and preach about what everyone else should do, but most don’t lift a finger of their own to actually help people. And every day people like you and me have simply lost our sense of outrage. We get angry if gas prices go above three dollars per gallon… for about a week. But no one is willing to make the hard choices to change things. Accountability is an endangered quality. So is teamwork.
Years ago, if enough people were fed up with gas prices, they would just stop buying gas. They car-pooled. They rode bicycles. They walked. Or they stayed home. Technology enables more and more people to work from home, so why don’t we do it?
For most people, it’s just too inconvenient to mess with their happy routines. But not for hockey players. We take a different approach because we recognize how much we need each other. Nothing hammers that point home like the end to my send-the-ref-home story. Because it was our team’s idea to send him home, the vindictive SOB wrote us up for the forfeit. The other team, when they realized what was going to happen, lobbied the league commissioner to do the right thing. As a result, according to the official record, that game ended in a 0-0 tie.
A pessimist might say no one won that game. But I say we both won. And more to the point, the game of hockey won. Plus, we all went out and drank lots of beer later. Then again, we tend to do that no matter what the final score.
I don’t guess the framers of the Constitution thought about hockey when they designed our nation. In fact, I’m certain they didn’t because the sport didn’t exist back then. But if it had, I’m guessing those brave men and women would’ve played Mystery, Alaska style. Just throw the sticks in the middle and pick up teams. Help everyone succeed. Remove the obstacles. And celebrate their collective success at their version of The Waffle Pad for a few beers. In fact, that’s where I’m going right now.
Cheers!
