breakin’ the law
sunset bay after sunrise.
So I really wasn’t breaking any laws, but I about went off the road into the lake on my way to New York recently. No, not “the city.” The better part. Home of wings (not ever with fucking ranch dressing), beef on weck, sponge candy, and other foods that are likely to explode your pants size.
My near dip into Lake Erie occurred when I discovered a new (to me) radio station. Not surprisingly, it’s from Canada. I was scanning the stations on my way to my go-to, CFNY, when I hit on 91.7 – almost all the way across the dial. Giant FM, out of Welland, Ontario. Saturdays are 80s Rock Recall nights. But not your regular 80s fare. This was all about B-sides and A-sides from B-bands. For example, the first song I heard was what shocked me to the shoulder of the road: “Long Way to Love.” Kudos to anyone who can name the band without the internet.
But it went further. I was virtually transported into my own MTV Music Marathon, with Quiet Riot, Twisted Sister, Whitesnake, and yes, a little Judas Priest (but not “Breakin’ the Law”). When the DJ announced Styx was next, I was thinking one of their big hits. “Come Sail Away,” right? But what started playing? “Borrowed Time.” Great song. And holy shit (sacred feces, for you, Jake)! I’ve actually heard them play two songs by Doug & the Slugs. Yes, I know you never heard of them. But that’s your loss.
Before this trip, I would’ve told you the best place to go for this kind of trip down the hair metal highway (not Doug & the Slugs – they’re just weird and fun. Think Barenaked Ladies with clothes) was Bradford, PA, which I’m convinced is also the big hair capital of the world. In fact, I’m pretty sure Nikki Sixx got his hairstyle idea from one of the receptionists at Zippo Manufacturing. But Bradford’s got nothing on Welland. At least not for killer 80s music.
The music wasn’t the only bright spot on my journey. At this point, I should thank Governor Cuomo for his quarantine order. Because TN is on the naughty list, I knew I’d have to hang alone for a couple weeks when I got here. But I wanted some flexibility. I decided to avoid the NYS Thruway so my entry into the state would go undetected. That took me down Route 20, through my old college stomping grounds.
I have to say I was genuinely excited as I drove down the hill into downtown Fredonia, especially when I saw the familiar sign for Mary’s Deli. Now back in my day, there was a raging debate about who had the better pizza and wings. I was in Camp Mary’s, but lots of people were on the Gina’s Pizza, Wings, and Things bandwagon. Well I’m sorry for Gina. Her food was good enough, but she and her place were nowhere to be found on this trip. It could be that people finally started to wonder too much about what the “things” were in the name. Or maybe they stopped wondering. Either way, Mary was the last woman standing. I like to imagine her in the middle of her deli holding the drumstick part of the wing up in victory like the Statue of Liberty’s torch.
sadly, mary’s wasn’t open when i was passing through. so no college pizza or wings for me on this trip.
I spent a little time downtown, which is all the time you can really spend. After all, it is a little downtown. I walked up and down Main and Water Streets and saw all the familiar haunts. I was liked the townie bars, like BJ’s and Coughlin’s. They were more my style, Sunny’s—home of free beer Thursdays and not much else endearing. It was nice to see that the best named fitness club ever—Darwin’s—is still standing. I never went in, but with a name like Darwin’s, do you really have to? Not sure they would have even let me. Same reason.
makes you wonder what kind of mutants are lurking inside, doesn’t it?
Not everything was sunshine and Guns & Roses, though. Heading down Central, I nearly missed our favorite party house at #29. How dare the owners paint it! After all, it’s only been 28 years. And at least they could’ve had the decency to paint it the same dingy white I remembered. But no, now it was dark red. Because Fredonia is the home of the Blue Devils. So red makes sense, right?
After a brief sigh of relief at seeing the fudge-striped house still standing next to the entrance to campus, I was expecting to see the dirty little donut shop on the corner. Millie’s, if I remember correctly. Millie’s was like the Waffle House of its era, but with donuts instead of waffles. And the owner… such a nice lady. But to my disappointment, a gigantic Rite Aid sat on the spot where I used to drink my coffee. Can’t stop progress completely, I guess. But I give Fredonia credit for trying.
still fudge-striped, after all these years (sung to the tune of the simon & garfunkel hit, of course).
Moving on, my journey took me north, back to the lakeshore and more music from my misspent youth. The first song I heard as the lake appeared in front of me was both fitting and surprising. It’s not such a stretch to expect Rush to play on a Canadian radio station, but how far down your list of Rush songs do you have to go before you get to “Lakeside Park”? Oh, and Chilliwack. On the radio. In 2020.
If you’ve read this far, you’ve probably drawn the appropriate conclusion that this is just the latest stop on my journey back to a simpler time with better music. Well, maybe not so much better music. Definitely not better musicians (with obvious exceptions, of course). But much funner music. Yes, I wrote funner. And I’m not sorry. It’s not a word, but if it was, it would be the right one for this context. Read on, I’ll use it in a sentence:
Chilliwack is funner than John Mayer.
See. It just works there. And John Mayer’s music makes me want to punch myself in the throat. So there’s that.
Cheers,.
