what happened to my halloween?

With Halloween approaching this week, I thought I’d publish a few random thoughts about the day. Actually, let’s start with just jotting down a few thoughts. I’ll decide if I want to publish them when I’m done and have had a little time to reflect.

I’m fully aware that in my day, at least one or two of these thoughts would have turned my house into the prime ingredient in a Halloween omelet. But I’m confident that won’t happen in 2025. Surely, kids are far too sophisticated to egg houses anymore. Unless Door Dash does that now. They don’t, do they?

These days, I’m more likely to get doxed because someone was offended by the font I use than by anything I actually write. Not only that, I’m pretty sure no one younger than 50 reads my stuff. And I know from experience that at this age, all our arms and shoulders are too messed up to be able to throw much of anything. So let’s get started.

My first rant is for the candy makers and their multipacks. I understand why you want to sneak the shitty candy in with the good stuff. No one would buy the crap by itself. Case in point. Baby Ruth does not belong in the same package with Butterfinger and Nestle Crunch. They’re just not in the same class. It’s like back when stores sold DVDs and they would throw turds like “Jack and Jill” or “Little Nicky” in the “Best of Adam Sandler” box set with “50 First Dates,” “Big Daddy,” and “Happy Gilmore.” You know we just throw that shit away, right?

I get it. Candy and movie tastes are subjective. For example, I’m a firm believer that Snickers are a sick joke, like the mystery Coke flavor on the Coca Cola tour in Atlanta. But before you throw it in the mix, Almond Joys are delicious. Period. Full stop.

Next up, candy sizes. I think the kids will be on my side for this one. What’s with the tiny packages? Is this an example of what they’re calling shrinkflation (great word mash-up, by the way)? I opened a pack yesterday and there were about six M&Ms in it. Who eats just six M&Ms? No one. That’s who. Even Emily got more than six when I used to bribe her to keep ice on her arm when she hurt herself. She got one every minute the ice stayed on. And she never stopped at six.

Okay, here’s where the egg risk goes up a notch or two. Note to teenagers – if you want candy at my house, wear a costume other than “angsty teenager.” No costume? No treat. I’m not asking much. Just put in a little effort. It’ll be great practice for life as you get older.

Finally, can we talk about the wave of Trunk or Treat events? Am I the only one confused by this? The original bargain was “give me a treat or I play a trick on you.” But with trunk or treat, the treats are in the trunk. So, it’s now essentially “treat or treat.” Kids don’t have to think about what tricks they might need to play because it’s win-win for them. No wonder creativity is suffering in this country.

Hey... wait a minute. Is this why teenagers don’t wear costumes anymore? They don’t have to put in the time because they get the treat just by showing up. AI does their homework and writes their papers. And now this? Is “trunk or treat” the AI version of Halloween? Surely something needs to change.

cheers.