profane or profound?
photo courtesy of the RDNE stock project. thanks, friends.
Where to begin? I think I’ve had several variations of this conversation over the years, but to this point, I have no resolution. That’s right. At the ripe old age of 53 years, 9 months, and 3 days, I’m still not really sure why swear words are swear words. Oh wait. I guess I have to say cuss words because I’ve lived in the south for the last quarter century. You know what? Fuck that.
It turns out there are lots of ways to describe these “no-no” words. My grandmother used to talk about not taking the lord’s name in vain. She also often described swear words as “vulgar,” which I’m a bit embarrassed to say I kind of like. Then there’s the term, foul language and it’s cousin, foul-mouthed. The Motion Picture Association of America gives swear words the label of profanity. And, most recently (2021), Nicolas Cage hosted “The History of Swear Words,” on Netflix. I know... the things we watched during COVID, right?
But wait. There’s more. I also have—courtesy of my best friend, Scott, Peter Novobatzky’s Depraved English (1999), which chronicles old school cussing. It’s a dictionary of words that used to be insulting but have fallen out of favor. It’s truly interesting to learn the way people used to talk about each other.
That little ditty led to my own purchase of English as a Second F*cking Language, by Sterling Johnson. This one is a bit more of a how-to, as it features the subtitle: “How to Swear Effectively, Explained in Detail With Numerous Examples Taken from Everyday Life.” I’m just going to ignore how off-putting I find title case in a subtitle—or at all, if I’m being honest—because this was such a fun read.
But near as I can tell, none of these expert, scholarly publications explore why swear words are swear words. For example, what makes the word shit worse than the word poop? I think you could argue quite successfully that poop is a far funnier word. Especially when adults use it. And even when you use it in the more common compound forms, like poophead or bullpoop.
I don’t know, maybe funnier is a matter of opinion, but that’s kind of my point. Who gets to decide when a word is to be banished to the pit of profanity? Is it because certain people are offended by it? Which people? And why can’t I be one of them? I mean, I have a whole list of words I’d like to put on the no-fly list. Robust, for instance. How about penetrate? And utilize for fuck’s sake. Three gratuitous words many people use to sound profound when I’d prefer they be profane. Why can’t the words this nameless, faceless group have determined are profane simply be profound? I mean, most people I know—at least the ones I’ve heard use swear words—tend to use them for emphasis.
It's quite the mystery, isn’t it? I even Googled it (yes, Kim, I did. All by myself.). I found lots of fun tidbits, including that the word fart is one of the oldest rude words. It dates back as far as the year 1250. Don’t believe me? Fast Company actually wrote an article about it in 2014. I also learned from a recent Babble.com article that “For a word to qualify as a swear word, it must have the potential to offend, crossing a cultural line into taboo territory.” That adds a layer, right? I mean now I know what qualifies as a swear word, but then who gets to decide where taboo territory is?
Why do I ask such questions? One reason is that I’m getting older and thinking about where I’d like to retire, and a place called taboo territory sounds kind of fun. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s somewhere in Canada. Probably Newfoundland, near Hate Bay. Yes, that’s a real place, at least that’s what the Arrogant Worms sing in A Night on Dildo (also a real place). The other reason is that, well, if there’s a special club of people who get to choose swear words, I kind of want in. Imagine what the special handshake would be for a club like that. They may not even shake hands. Plus, I think I’m qualified... Exhibit A.
A lifetime ago, our family decided we would turn a regular word into a swear word so we could all use it. In hindsight, it may well have been because the rest of the family thought I used the real swear words too much and wanted to give me an alternative. Anyway, we chose the word straw for no apparent reason. But for a while, our little game led to all sorts of fun conversations that included the phrase, “What the straw?” Sadly, it didn’t really take, but I’m hopeful that in a few decades, Peter Novobatzky’s grandchild will include it in the 2099 edition of Depraved English.
I’ll bet by now you’re wondering if there’s a point to this piece. Of course there is. My point is that it seems silly to designate a certain group of words as foul for no apparent reason. To be fair, I did not do an exhaustive literature review. But what I did find simply wasn’t compelling enough to condemn these words to taboo territory. They should be allowed to live wherever they want to. And to be used freely for emphasis, or just simply for fun. If people can throw the word robust around like it’s a free sample on Saturday at Costco, then why can’t we use swear words whenever the mood strikes without rebuke?
As Mel Brooks once said, “I’ve been accused of being vulgar, and I say that’s bullshit.”
Cheers.
