The gym is becoming my second favorite place for people-watching. Nothing beats the airport. Any airport. Any city. It’s really too bad they stopped letting people go to the gate without a ticket or I’d be compelled to grab lunch and hang out there just to watch people come and go. Think about it. There are plenty of places to get food. Ample seating. And unlimited entertainment. But back to the gym.

I abandoned the tried and true YMCA several months ago for two main reasons:

1. It’s just too expensive.

2. Naked racists in the locker room.

I know. I know. You can’t put a price on your health. But I haven’t abandoned the gym. Just the Y. I’m now a faithful member of Planet Fitness. It’s only $20 per month with lots of perks I don’t even use. And it’s open 24 hours, 7 days a week. That’s “all the time” for those of you who don’t like to do clock math.

Planet Fitness is remarkably like Vince Vaughn’s place at the end of Dodgeball. You know—after Average Joe’s bought out Globo Gym? It’s all purply and caters to normal people.

But I wouldn’t say ordinary. Definitely not ordinary. The people I see there are extraordinary. And they make me smile. There’s the older couple who hold hands on the treadmill. I’m not sure that’s safe, but it’s sweet. Sometimes they even wear matching t-shirts.

Then there’s the average-looking guy with the “BIG DICK” tattoo on his arm. Wait. It’s not a tattoo of a big dick. That would be really unfortunate. It’s the actual words tattooed on his upper arm, which is only slightly less unfortunate. I feel like maybe he was trying to say something else. Maybe that’s his name. Maybe he lost a bet or got really drunk one night and woke up with it. Maybe he should wear shirts with sleeves. All the time.

And my personal favorite is the dancer. My Planet Fitness doesn’t have a dance studio or even a dance mat, but this woman makes the entire place her own dance floor. She dances on the treadmill. On the bikes and ellipticals. It’s fascinating and incredible to watch. And it’s inspiring.

Anyone who knows me knows I can’t dance a step. My grandmother tried to teach me when I was little but it just didn’t stick. So here’s this woman who dances remarkably well—while she’s walking on a moving floor! I wish I could record it and show it to you, but they frown upon that at the Planet. Remember the guy with the tattoo about 170 words ago? He’s why. Trust me when I tell you, though. She’ll make you want to love life. I kind of want to know what she’s listening to. You do, too. Don’t you?

So there you have it. My unsolicited (and unpaid) commercial for the real life Globo Gym. By the way, they also have free WiFi, so you can come watch the show even if you have no plan to work out. Plus I like purple.

And did I mention the free Tootsie Rolls? That’s weird, right? I mean it’s still a fitness place, after all. But weird is much better than naked racists. You can trust me on that too.

Cheers!